Wolfies Alien-ated for the rest of the season...

thanks to my friend Mike for the pic!

So, there goes the trade deadline... the Wolfies are apparently happy with Spree, Sam, and T-Hud to lead the team to the promised land. Alright guys, let's see whatcha got. Not much, I suppose, as I see that they lost to the L.A. CLIPPERS last night. "Owwwwcccchhhhh..."

Got Answers?

My wife called me up today with the all-important information, "I just drank milk today." This is actually news, you see, as we aren't a milk-drinking family. Turns out she purchased something called "2% reduced fat" milk, which begged the question:

If you reduce the fat of 2% milk, isn't that 1%?

So, being the dork that I am, I did some research.



Turns out that way back in 1998, the FDA made milk companies follow the same packaging guidelines as all other food products. So from then on (according to the FDA's website) :

2 percent milk will become known, for example, as "reduced fat" or "less fat" instead of "low fat"
1 percent milk will remain "low fat" or become, for example, "little fat"
skim will retain its name or be called, for example, fat-free, zero-fat, or no-fat milk.

So the confusion started because the "reduced" in "2% reduced fat" refers to milk qua milk--not 2% in itself. Hmmmm. So the fattest milk you can get (besides whole milk) is now called "reduced fat?" Confusing, huh.

Also notice that 1% is now "low fat" and skim is now "fat free."

Now the question is: WHY? Is the FDA that bored? Just a thought for the day.

Bonds--The Great Philosopher?

My apologies to those who haven't read Plato or who didn't see the Barry Bonds press conference yesterday. If you want to see the actual transcript (you can't make it up!) : http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=1997605


Barry Bonds or Plato... who is the greater Philosophical mind?

Man, what a great show Barry Bonds gave the sports world yesterday afternoon. Not since Bill Clinton have I heard a more slippery press conference. It's amazing how this athlete could turn direct questions about steroids and cheating in baseball into an upper-level philosophy of language college course. The press conference was almost surreal... it read just like one of Plato's dialogs:

Pressimicus: Barry, did you use steroids?

Bondscrates: Use? How do you mean, use?

P: I don't follow, please enlighten me, Bondscrates.

B: Would you say that an archer uses his arm or his arrow?

P: Naturally, he uses his arrow.

B: Would it follow, then, that a fisherman uses his rod and not his wrist?

P: Surely.

B: So then, it can be concluded that I use my bat and not steroids, correct?

P: Yes. I suppose so.

B: Would you say, then, that I use steroids, Pressimicus?

P: Heavens, no! You merely use your bat.

B: Any other questions?

Pressicles: Bondscrates, would injecting yourself with a performance enhancing substance be considered cheating?

B: Cheating? What is cheating?

P: I don't follow.

B: Is it cheating for a shoemaker to use a hammer instead of his bare hands?

P: Of course not.

B: Is it cheating for a horseman to use a saddle rather than to ride bareback?

P: No.

B: Is it cheating then, for a batsman to use a tool to augment his bat?

P: It follows that it is certainly not cheating to do so, wise Bondscrates.

B: Would you call performance enhancing substances a tool?

P: Yes.

B: So it would follow, then, my dear Pressicles, that it is not cheating to use performance enhancing substances to augment my batting.

P: You are as wise as you are beefy, my dear Bondscrates!

B: Any other inquiries from my audience?

Pressistotle: Are you going to beat the Babe's record?

B: Let me ask you this: Am I a black man?

P: Wha? Where did that come from?

AND SO FORTH....

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!

DO IT NOW! PLEASE!

Just as long as we don't get rid of too much... (Wally must stay! Did I just write that??) But Cassell really needs to go (under McHale, I am scared to see what happens when Sammy replaces Carter). If Sammy turns his attitude around like Spree proved possible, who knows, maybe a trade isn't necessary.


Also: Let it be known that it looks like McHale has turned the team around (for now, at least). BUT it still sucks that professionals stopped listening to a great coach. Good luck to Flip. Good luck to the Kevins. Hopefully Spree has "figured it out." Hopefully Kandi can keep it up. Feels good so far... but it's only a couple games.

Valentine's Day.... TONY! WHAT IS BEST IN LIFE? (WARNING... I am feeling sentimental)

My wife bought me the Dukes Of Hazzard 1st season on DVD for Valentine's Day. This made me think, boy... how friggin' lucky am I to have such a wonderful woman (who appreciates great works of art such as the Duke boys) as my wife. This got me thinking of what is best in life... so like Conan the Barbarian, I will answer this with a list.



Well, besides crushing your enemies, seeing them driven before you, and hearing the lamentation of da women...

-Sunday mornings with paper, coffee and a custard bismarck

-Screaming in the stands at a playoff NBA game

-Seeing KG do his slo-mo 'raise the roof' motion to get Target Center "hype"

-Mike Patton singing I Started A Joke

-Al Green singing anything

-Slow dancing to Al Green

-Being able to stay up late enough to catch Conan

-Pounding the shoreline with buzzbaits for bass

-Seeing/hearing the "BAAAM" opening of Star Wars (right after the "a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away" in the theater

-Edie Brickell singing Oak Cliff Bra

-Fall in Stillwater with color-changed leaves

-A box of Krispy Kremes--hot

-Getting the 7-letter bonus in a game of Scrabble

-Hitting a jumpshot/making a layup (very rare for me)

-Fruity Pebbles--soggy

- Grandma's spaghetti

-Feeling a bass hit a Rattlin' Rapala

-Hiking in the Grand Tetons

-Kirosawa movies

-Hot toast, butter, peanut butter--melty (with a coffee chaser)

-Tuna-buns (1/2 hamburger buns, tuna w/mayo, cheese, onions, toasted in oven)

-Winning an Ebay auction

-Slayer's Raining Blood when it gets to the "Chuck Kunk Chuck Kunk Chuck Kunk" part

-Road trips out west

-Seeing the Descendents LIVE

-Enjoying all of the above with my wife (awwwwwwwwww)

WTF?

What happened this weekend?

Okay, I can see how it's a coach's job to motivate his players--but what can you do when your players are unwilling to be motivated? What can you do when your GM can't pull off a desperately needed trade to rid your team of those who are bringing it down? I know... make the GM coach!




Hello. I will save the team. Coaching experience? Wha? I better buy more ugly sweaters!

Go Kevin! You want to coach these underachievers? Go for it. You want to play SMASHMOUTH basketball? Good luck getting Spree and Sam to play with an ounce of energy. You want to slow it down and pass the ball? Good luck getting T-Hud to not jack up a missed three. I dunno... I don't like it. I asked my boss how he'd like it if he were fired as I sat around with my feet on my desk while ignoring his demands that I get off my ass and get to work. He told me to shut up and get to work.

I had some problems with Flip this year, but the problems I had with Troy, Sam, and Spree far outweighed any blame that I could find on the coach. I heard SO many pre-game interviews where Saunders would lay out a good gameplan--only to watch the game and see the players totally ignoring the gameplan for their own "selfish" agendas.

The NBA sucks this year: the brawl, my Wolfies, McHale coaching my team, inmates ruling the asylum. Hopefully I am overreacting, but so far I am getting sick of my favorite sport. Oh well, at least I have the Heat. At least Kobe's Lakers are losing.

WHAT WAS IN MY CAR

GENERAL PATTON vs. THE X-ECUTIONERS (2005)




Another few months, another new Mike Patton CD! This time, "General" Patton has teamed up with "The X-Ecutioners," a strictly DJ-only group outta New York City. So, what do you get when you cross experimental masters of turntables with an experimental master of vocal chords? Hmmm... A lot of fun hip-hoppin' scratchin' and crooning... but also a bit too much noise.

Mike Patton has to be one of the most brilliant artists in modern music--but he's also one of the most frustrating. I did enjoy his most recent ultra-experimental Delirium Cordia with Fantomas and his Romances with Kaada (see review on this site)... BUT I still find myself longing for some more basic music from Patton. I am not saying that I want Faith No More to rejoin (that project was ready to end), but I do need something from Patton to bring it all back to Earth.

As an album, General Patton vs. The X-ecutioners may be considered a war-time concept album, as it feels like the theme of fighting, 'xplosions, and sonic warfare pop up throughout the album. Like a war movie, the dark, dirty fields are contrasted with heroic--almost beautiful--moments of brilliance.

Now, when GPvsTX are at their best, it is brilliant stuff. The DJ's put together some really interesting beats and samples while Patton swoons his patented crooning/screaming/growling over the mix. When Patton isn't singing, you'll find him in the back of the mix creating some of the coolest noises you'll hear a human voice make. In fact, it is sometimes a struggle to pick out what is Patton and what is a turntable. Songs like, "!Get Up Punk!" and "Loser on Line" make the CD worth the $14... but they are also so worthwhile that they make the rest of the CD a bit frustrating.

When GPvsTX are at their worst, you'll hear them experiment with an arsenal of improvisational noise, movie samples, and changes in beat, tempo, and theme that are so rapid-fire, you just can't "get into it." While Patton is known to challenge the listener's mind and patience with his music, I just don't know if it works with the genre of Hip-Hop, as "getting into" the beat is what it's all about. Don't get me wrong, 100% of this CD is interesting, but it can get old. While Kaada and Fantomas tried my patience, I never thought it as random. When you apply Patton's A.D.D. music theory to DJ's instead of musicians, it seems that it's merely button-pushing instead of performing (I know, I know... DJ's don't merely push buttons--and they could be considered performers... but I still get that feeling).

When I read about this project with The X-ecutioners, I did expect the experimental sound that is found on many of the tracks (23 tracks on this CD, but only a handful of full-fledged "songs"). The spaces in between "songs" are interesting, indeed--full of fun samples of obscure Kung-Fu movies, Latin Jazz, Funk, and even Star Wars blaster fire. Problem is, the actual pieces that could be considered true "songs" are SO EFFING GOOD that they might make listeners wish that all the tracks were this way. It's funny that they sample many Kung-Fu scenes in this disk, as listening to the disk is kind of like watching a Kung-Fu movie--you daze through the dialog while thinking, "Why don't they just fight already?!" General Patton vs. The X-ecutioners follow suit: they work the noise so long you find yourself thinking, "KICK IN A COOL SONG ALREADY!" But, to keep the analogy going, their 'fighting' is so cool, you never take the CD out of the player during the slow parts just in case there's another 'battle' in 'em.

So I rate this CD the same I rate the best Jackie Chan movie--Boy the fight scenes are awesome... but the dialog can be a drag. But... those fight scenes! You GOTTA see 'em!

Also funny to note, there should be a new CD from Patton's Fantomas around April. The guy makes me feel like such a slacker.

Rating ***** outta 8.

Sorry Wolves, My Bad.

I received a poster in the mail a while back from Kevin Garnett. It's a poster of KG raising his arm in his "Yo, I just made a MF shot, MF, get outta your MF seats, MF! LET'S GET HYPE! LET'S GET HYYYPPPE!" way. Anyway, this poster says:

"Anthony, Thanks for being part of our team! --KG"

Wow. I told my boss that as soon as I get my paycheck from my new team, consider that my 2 weeks notice. Well, the check hasn't come yet, but I am expecting it soon. I am part of the team.

Unfortunately, my team seems to be in the worst season since T-Wolves B.K. (Before Kevin). Looking at what changed between the franchise's most successful season (last year) to their most disappointing (this year) I couldn't find any changes! We have the same roster as last year (not counting the upgrade from Trent to Griffin), we have the same coaches, the same GM...

...IS IT... ME?

In fact, ever since I received the poster confirming my place on the team, the Wolves started their major slide. Hmmm... sorry guys. I know that team chemistry can change with one bad apple--but hey, it's not my fault that everyone is so jealous of my skillz. I could quit to save the season, I suppose... but I need my paycheck (I have a family to feed) and that's that.

So sorry, Wolves fans (anyone left out there?)... My bad.

100 years of Ayn Rand

Today marks the 100th year since Ayn Rand's birth in St. Petersburg, Russia (Feb. 2, 1905). If you want her full bio, I recommend the DVD Ayn Rand: A Sense of Life. In a nutshell, Ayn Rand escaped Russia, came to the USA, wrote some great fiction, and developed her controversial philosophy--Objectivism.

Now, there is a cliched attitude towards those who have read The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged. We all turn into arrogant jerks for a year or so, then we forget it and move out of the "phase." It's that I'm-a-sophomore-in-college-know-it-all-better-than-you mentality that seems to rub some people the wrong way. I was guilty of this--I did cop a huge attitude back in the day. I dropped the attitude, but I never did "grow out of" the ideals that Rand sparked.

In a time when fiction was dominated by Naturalistic stories about the common man (how man is), The Fountainhead showed us a Romantic hero in Howard Roark (how man should be). In a time when socialism was sneaking its way into America's politics, Atlas Shrugged showed us what would happen if our economy's "prime movers" shrugged and took a vacation. In a time when subjectivism was the popular philosophy in our universities, Rand's nonfiction offered an objective view in ethics (The Virtue of Selfishness), epistemology/metaphysics (Philosophy: Who Needs It?), economics (Capitalism: The Unknown Ideal) and aesthetics (The Romantic Manifesto).

But really, Ayn Rand gave us an ideal for which to strive. I didn't merely admire her characters, I wanted to be more like them. I didn't just read through her philosophy, I wanted to integrate it into my own. If you haven't read her novels, I recommend them highly as they can be enjoyed on the surface as "good reads." Her writing is precise and entertaining. Her storytelling is vivid and interesting. If you don't feel the need to go too deep into the philosophy behind the story--they are great as works of fiction on their own.

To check out an "online exhibit" and bio: http://aynrand100.org

To check out her writing (in a new 100 year aniversary edition), here's Amazon's selection:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/index=books&field-author=Ayn%20Rand/103-2810972-4246234