Valentine's Day.... TONY! WHAT IS BEST IN LIFE? (WARNING... I am feeling sentimental)

My wife bought me the Dukes Of Hazzard 1st season on DVD for Valentine's Day. This made me think, boy... how friggin' lucky am I to have such a wonderful woman (who appreciates great works of art such as the Duke boys) as my wife. This got me thinking of what is best in life... so like Conan the Barbarian, I will answer this with a list.



Well, besides crushing your enemies, seeing them driven before you, and hearing the lamentation of da women...

-Sunday mornings with paper, coffee and a custard bismarck

-Screaming in the stands at a playoff NBA game

-Seeing KG do his slo-mo 'raise the roof' motion to get Target Center "hype"

-Mike Patton singing I Started A Joke

-Al Green singing anything

-Slow dancing to Al Green

-Being able to stay up late enough to catch Conan

-Pounding the shoreline with buzzbaits for bass

-Seeing/hearing the "BAAAM" opening of Star Wars (right after the "a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away" in the theater

-Edie Brickell singing Oak Cliff Bra

-Fall in Stillwater with color-changed leaves

-A box of Krispy Kremes--hot

-Getting the 7-letter bonus in a game of Scrabble

-Hitting a jumpshot/making a layup (very rare for me)

-Fruity Pebbles--soggy

- Grandma's spaghetti

-Feeling a bass hit a Rattlin' Rapala

-Hiking in the Grand Tetons

-Kirosawa movies

-Hot toast, butter, peanut butter--melty (with a coffee chaser)

-Tuna-buns (1/2 hamburger buns, tuna w/mayo, cheese, onions, toasted in oven)

-Winning an Ebay auction

-Slayer's Raining Blood when it gets to the "Chuck Kunk Chuck Kunk Chuck Kunk" part

-Road trips out west

-Seeing the Descendents LIVE

-Enjoying all of the above with my wife (awwwwwwwwww)

WTF?

What happened this weekend?

Okay, I can see how it's a coach's job to motivate his players--but what can you do when your players are unwilling to be motivated? What can you do when your GM can't pull off a desperately needed trade to rid your team of those who are bringing it down? I know... make the GM coach!




Hello. I will save the team. Coaching experience? Wha? I better buy more ugly sweaters!

Go Kevin! You want to coach these underachievers? Go for it. You want to play SMASHMOUTH basketball? Good luck getting Spree and Sam to play with an ounce of energy. You want to slow it down and pass the ball? Good luck getting T-Hud to not jack up a missed three. I dunno... I don't like it. I asked my boss how he'd like it if he were fired as I sat around with my feet on my desk while ignoring his demands that I get off my ass and get to work. He told me to shut up and get to work.

I had some problems with Flip this year, but the problems I had with Troy, Sam, and Spree far outweighed any blame that I could find on the coach. I heard SO many pre-game interviews where Saunders would lay out a good gameplan--only to watch the game and see the players totally ignoring the gameplan for their own "selfish" agendas.

The NBA sucks this year: the brawl, my Wolfies, McHale coaching my team, inmates ruling the asylum. Hopefully I am overreacting, but so far I am getting sick of my favorite sport. Oh well, at least I have the Heat. At least Kobe's Lakers are losing.

WHAT WAS IN MY CAR

GENERAL PATTON vs. THE X-ECUTIONERS (2005)




Another few months, another new Mike Patton CD! This time, "General" Patton has teamed up with "The X-Ecutioners," a strictly DJ-only group outta New York City. So, what do you get when you cross experimental masters of turntables with an experimental master of vocal chords? Hmmm... A lot of fun hip-hoppin' scratchin' and crooning... but also a bit too much noise.

Mike Patton has to be one of the most brilliant artists in modern music--but he's also one of the most frustrating. I did enjoy his most recent ultra-experimental Delirium Cordia with Fantomas and his Romances with Kaada (see review on this site)... BUT I still find myself longing for some more basic music from Patton. I am not saying that I want Faith No More to rejoin (that project was ready to end), but I do need something from Patton to bring it all back to Earth.

As an album, General Patton vs. The X-ecutioners may be considered a war-time concept album, as it feels like the theme of fighting, 'xplosions, and sonic warfare pop up throughout the album. Like a war movie, the dark, dirty fields are contrasted with heroic--almost beautiful--moments of brilliance.

Now, when GPvsTX are at their best, it is brilliant stuff. The DJ's put together some really interesting beats and samples while Patton swoons his patented crooning/screaming/growling over the mix. When Patton isn't singing, you'll find him in the back of the mix creating some of the coolest noises you'll hear a human voice make. In fact, it is sometimes a struggle to pick out what is Patton and what is a turntable. Songs like, "!Get Up Punk!" and "Loser on Line" make the CD worth the $14... but they are also so worthwhile that they make the rest of the CD a bit frustrating.

When GPvsTX are at their worst, you'll hear them experiment with an arsenal of improvisational noise, movie samples, and changes in beat, tempo, and theme that are so rapid-fire, you just can't "get into it." While Patton is known to challenge the listener's mind and patience with his music, I just don't know if it works with the genre of Hip-Hop, as "getting into" the beat is what it's all about. Don't get me wrong, 100% of this CD is interesting, but it can get old. While Kaada and Fantomas tried my patience, I never thought it as random. When you apply Patton's A.D.D. music theory to DJ's instead of musicians, it seems that it's merely button-pushing instead of performing (I know, I know... DJ's don't merely push buttons--and they could be considered performers... but I still get that feeling).

When I read about this project with The X-ecutioners, I did expect the experimental sound that is found on many of the tracks (23 tracks on this CD, but only a handful of full-fledged "songs"). The spaces in between "songs" are interesting, indeed--full of fun samples of obscure Kung-Fu movies, Latin Jazz, Funk, and even Star Wars blaster fire. Problem is, the actual pieces that could be considered true "songs" are SO EFFING GOOD that they might make listeners wish that all the tracks were this way. It's funny that they sample many Kung-Fu scenes in this disk, as listening to the disk is kind of like watching a Kung-Fu movie--you daze through the dialog while thinking, "Why don't they just fight already?!" General Patton vs. The X-ecutioners follow suit: they work the noise so long you find yourself thinking, "KICK IN A COOL SONG ALREADY!" But, to keep the analogy going, their 'fighting' is so cool, you never take the CD out of the player during the slow parts just in case there's another 'battle' in 'em.

So I rate this CD the same I rate the best Jackie Chan movie--Boy the fight scenes are awesome... but the dialog can be a drag. But... those fight scenes! You GOTTA see 'em!

Also funny to note, there should be a new CD from Patton's Fantomas around April. The guy makes me feel like such a slacker.

Rating ***** outta 8.

Sorry Wolves, My Bad.

I received a poster in the mail a while back from Kevin Garnett. It's a poster of KG raising his arm in his "Yo, I just made a MF shot, MF, get outta your MF seats, MF! LET'S GET HYPE! LET'S GET HYYYPPPE!" way. Anyway, this poster says:

"Anthony, Thanks for being part of our team! --KG"

Wow. I told my boss that as soon as I get my paycheck from my new team, consider that my 2 weeks notice. Well, the check hasn't come yet, but I am expecting it soon. I am part of the team.

Unfortunately, my team seems to be in the worst season since T-Wolves B.K. (Before Kevin). Looking at what changed between the franchise's most successful season (last year) to their most disappointing (this year) I couldn't find any changes! We have the same roster as last year (not counting the upgrade from Trent to Griffin), we have the same coaches, the same GM...

...IS IT... ME?

In fact, ever since I received the poster confirming my place on the team, the Wolves started their major slide. Hmmm... sorry guys. I know that team chemistry can change with one bad apple--but hey, it's not my fault that everyone is so jealous of my skillz. I could quit to save the season, I suppose... but I need my paycheck (I have a family to feed) and that's that.

So sorry, Wolves fans (anyone left out there?)... My bad.

100 years of Ayn Rand

Today marks the 100th year since Ayn Rand's birth in St. Petersburg, Russia (Feb. 2, 1905). If you want her full bio, I recommend the DVD Ayn Rand: A Sense of Life. In a nutshell, Ayn Rand escaped Russia, came to the USA, wrote some great fiction, and developed her controversial philosophy--Objectivism.

Now, there is a cliched attitude towards those who have read The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged. We all turn into arrogant jerks for a year or so, then we forget it and move out of the "phase." It's that I'm-a-sophomore-in-college-know-it-all-better-than-you mentality that seems to rub some people the wrong way. I was guilty of this--I did cop a huge attitude back in the day. I dropped the attitude, but I never did "grow out of" the ideals that Rand sparked.

In a time when fiction was dominated by Naturalistic stories about the common man (how man is), The Fountainhead showed us a Romantic hero in Howard Roark (how man should be). In a time when socialism was sneaking its way into America's politics, Atlas Shrugged showed us what would happen if our economy's "prime movers" shrugged and took a vacation. In a time when subjectivism was the popular philosophy in our universities, Rand's nonfiction offered an objective view in ethics (The Virtue of Selfishness), epistemology/metaphysics (Philosophy: Who Needs It?), economics (Capitalism: The Unknown Ideal) and aesthetics (The Romantic Manifesto).

But really, Ayn Rand gave us an ideal for which to strive. I didn't merely admire her characters, I wanted to be more like them. I didn't just read through her philosophy, I wanted to integrate it into my own. If you haven't read her novels, I recommend them highly as they can be enjoyed on the surface as "good reads." Her writing is precise and entertaining. Her storytelling is vivid and interesting. If you don't feel the need to go too deep into the philosophy behind the story--they are great as works of fiction on their own.

To check out an "online exhibit" and bio: http://aynrand100.org

To check out her writing (in a new 100 year aniversary edition), here's Amazon's selection:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/index=books&field-author=Ayn%20Rand/103-2810972-4246234

RIP Johnny Carson

Just wanted to give my goodbye to Johnny Carson. At 29 years, I am old enough to remember watching him, but young enough to remember what a treat it was being able to stay up late enough to watch him. The funny moments were even funnier to a kid staying up way past his bedtime!

What Was In My Car....

MASTODON- LEVIATHAN (2004)

Very, very few metal albums are true "winners" for me on the first listen. Usually it takes a few times through to remember the catches, anticipate the changes, and to find the grooves. I had Mastodon in the car for the first time on the way to work this morning and I can't wait for the ride home's second listen. It is really... REALLY good.

First of all, check out the album cover. Nuthin' cooler than a big Moby Dick smashing a big ol' boat. Yeah!

More importantly, the music is aggressive, tight, and wonderfully interesting. I thought of it as Hemispheres/Farewell to Kings-era Rush done in a modern metal-style. Like Rush, Mastodon features a thematic album with epic songs that weave melody, pounding rhythms with changing tempos and time signatures (only Mastodon does it with an extreme-metal edge). Each song features insanely complex drumming, guitars that switch from textural runs to percussive chords, and solid bass. The singing is the genre's typical growling, but a couple songs feature a lighter, more melodic attack.

Moments are harsh or brutal--others catch a fantastic groove. Mastodon takes the listener through extreme changes in tone, mood, and tempo without warning--but not without meaning or structure. Unlike genre-sharers The Dillinger Escape Plan, Mastadon's quirkiness never seems random.

If Rush were the prog-rock kings of the 70's, Mastodon may be crowned prog-metal kings of today if subsequent releases live up to the potential set by Leviathan.

(early) Rating: ******* outta 8.

ALSO IN MY CAR THIS WEEKEND:


Church of Misery-- Master of Brutality (2001)

Church of Misery can be labeled as Doom Metal or Stoner Metal, but I prefer to label them as Groove Metal (mostly because I don't want to be associated with Stoners or the Doomed). Yeah, the pace is very slow and the low-toned, fuzzed guitar and bass slog about like the typical Doomed/Stoned Metalers--BUT these guys seem to have a genuine enthusiasm hidden behind their murky music. I would describe Church of Misery as Black Sabbath tuned down, turned up, overdriven, and crossed with the grooviest Skynyrd riffs that you could emulate. It's low, loud, and it rawks. It could also be said that Church of Misery is the best Doom Metal band to ever come out of Japan (although, I dare you to name any outta Japan!).

Master of Brutality, unfortunately, has a different serial killer as the theme of each song (except for the cover of Blue Oyster Cult's Cities on Flame With Rock 'N' Roll). Thankfully (this can serve as my sweeping statement about all metal) the screaming vocals hide the lyrics. I never noticed the subject until I saw the song titles.

Overall, the musicianship is solid, yet unpolished (to be too polished would ruin the mood!) The guitars are soooo raw, fuzzy, and overdriven--it's just a blast to hear every riff crush and crunch against the cymbal-happy, solid drumming. Also, let me say that a bass through a fuzzed amp and a wah-pedal gives one of the best sounds heard on Earth.

With only 6 songs, Master of Brutality could be an EP, but the songs range from 4 to 11 minutes in length--so it's not short at all. It should also be said that after 6 songs, I was ready for it to be over. Too much of the same thing--no matter how awesome--gets old. These guys are slow, loud, and groovy--and so proud of this that they don't change from song to song (not that they should). I did find myself wandering in and out of interest during the slower songs, but my ADD only lasted a few minutes as a new groove here or there sparked new interest.

Church of Misery is an excellent addition to any car trip soundtrack as it welcomes many steering-wheel drum fills and stick-shift guitar picking.

Rating: ****** outta 8.

Sorry, folks.../ Quote of the year so far...

Yeah, it's been forEVER since I posted... and I know my "public" needs me! Ha!

Anyway, I am doing my best Rodney Dangerfield impression as I am Back to School after a nice 6-year hiatus. More on that later, though. While I won't do a Triple-Lindy, I do hope to grab a diploma in a year or two. So, instead of throwing my thoughts up here, I have been reading The Republic and a handful of essays on ethics.

More to come. Soon.

I'll leave you with this quote from NBA Guru Bill Walton. It's hard to take a Dead-Head seriously, but the man speaks the truth. (quote is from Walton's 1-21-05 chatroom appearance on ESPN.COM)

"[The Minnesota Timberwolves are] the biggest disappointment in the league. They've lost 11 of 15 and are proving once again that character does matter. Have you noticed Sprewell seems to wear out his welcome WHEREVER he goes?!! They always tell us that the enthusiasm and infectious ethic of the lead player is so important. KG is so positive ... why hasn't that been contageous throughout the rest of the team? In the end, the bad guys always getcha!"

Nice.

What Was In My Car

Kaada/Patton--Romances (2004)




I hated Romances the second I heard it--but I liked it after a half-hour, and I loved it after listening to it the third time. It's a thick, experimental album that demands patience and a second (or third, or fourth) chance to truly enjoy the listening experience.

Mike Patton (Faith No More, Mr. Bungle, Fantomas, Tomahawk, Lovage, Peeping Tom, etc...) either has the world's largest creative drive--or the worst case of A.D.D. Patton seems to always be involved with least three recording projects at a time--always with completely different bands, genres, and overall themes. This particular project teams Patton with John Erik Kaada--an experimental jazz/trance/techno musician-soundtrack composer (?... you try to put a label to it!) from Norway. The results are... interesting and addictive.

Mike Patton continues his recent "cinematic" music phase (as heard on Director's Cut and Delirium Cordia by Fantomas) where the CD seems to be more of a motion picture soundtrack than an actual album. Thankfully, Kaada's influence makes the listen a more soothing experience (although it still is a bit haunting) rather than the absolute horror that Delirium Cordia offered. So it could be said that if Delirium Cordia were a slasher film, Romances would be a psychological thriller.

Where Romances really shines is in its exploitation of tension and release. Right when you start to ask, "Where the hell is this song going?" after a long period of droning, pulsating, atmospheric music, the song suddenly turns into a wonderful hook that demands your full attention. The instant you become comfortable with the hook, Patton and Kaada strip it from you and return to background. It's an exercise of risk and reward... patience and payoff. The more you give, the more you get.

It should be said, though, that this is not a noise album. While it is experimental, it isn't so far gone that the songs lack structure, theme, or music. All the essential musical elements are there--just not at the pace we are used to. Where most bands may pause a few beats between song elements, Kaada and Patton pause a few minutes (but the pause actually adds to the song). When you have to wait longer for the payoff, the payoff is more appreciated (again, due to their brilliant exhibit of tension and release).

Musically, Kaada's jack-of-all-trades expertise is felt on the many, MANY instruments heard on this album, but it is the instrument of Patton's voice that keeps the ear attentive. Where Kaada can play anything, Patton can sing anything (or grunt, gurgle, croon, or whatever). It's a real treat to hear the two play off each other. Even during the "pauses" between ideas/moods, the instrumentation and voices are interesting enough to keep you from hitting "skip" on your CD player.

Song-wise, Kaada and Patton switch it up a bit from Vegas-crooning to a western-movie score to simple "la la la's"--all the while keeping it all wrapped up in a tight "spooky-romantic" theme. There are a few stand out songs (Pitie Pour Mes Larmes is my fave)... but you'll remember the album as a whole over the individual parts.

Should you run out and buy it? I dunno... depends on your patience and what kind of mood you're in.

Will I listen to it often? No, but when I am in the mood to listen to it, I will love it.

Rating: ****** outta 8

To listen to samples from their website: http://www.kaada.no/romances/
To view other Ipecac recordings (Patton's label): http://www.ipecac.com

More of the worst...

I saw this quote quoted on http://www.coxandforkum.com and I couldn't help pasting it here to show a few more people. It really shows the true nature of the so-called nature-loving environmentalists. They claim to be pro-environment, but I have always seen them more as anti-man (the species, not the sex). Anyway, this quote from James Wilcot (a contributor to Vanity Fair) epitomizes this theory:

I root for hurricanes. When, courtesy of the Weather Channel, I see one forming in the ocean off the coast of Africa, I find myself longing for it to become big and strong -- Mother Nature's fist of fury, Gaia's stern rebuke. Considering the havoc mankind has wreaked upon nature with deforesting, stripmining, and the destruction of animal habitat, it only seems fair that nature get some of its own back and teach us that there are forces greater than our own.

Nice. Be careful what you wish for.

Also, beware of the Greenpeacers today as they are screaming "Global Warming" as the cause of the Tsunami. Last time I checked, earthquakes aren't caused by man. Environmentalists have always walked hand and hand with the Junk Scientists... but this--in the wake of one of history's worst disasters--is disgusting.

Venting over. Positivity to follow... I promise.